The world seems to have created a “template” of the kind of life black women are expected to live. The template is often below the bar one would have set for themselves and is often mediocre because they are expected to live a fairly average, “women are seen and not heard” type of life. Unfortunately for us, not sticking to the script often sees women being riddled with questions that nobody really has the right to be asking.
You would think that people would have received the memo by now right? I mean, in 2022 we’ve had enough badass female ancestors and women who have come before us and done great and amazing off-script things, that you would expect that it has become a norm to break the mould and live a life different from what society expects of you… it is not.
More than just being nosy, people (both men and women) are shockingly comfortable with randomly shooting questions at women that they have no business asking. Like…
When Are You Having A Child
This is a very personal question but the world doesn’t seem to think so. Every day, a person who doesn't know you from a bar of soap will get online and ask you, “when are you having a child?” as if this is a question in the same calibre as “what is your favourite colour?” For this question, I blame the old aunties and mamas at home because that’s where the young people caught this disgusting habit and sort of entitlement over someone’s uterus. The nosy mamas at church or at the local stokvel always have a field day with this question at family functions.
Again, this is a deeply personal matter and a woman should have to explain that she's waiting for the right partner, waiting to make a partner at the firm, doesn't want to have children or worse can’t have children.
When Are You Getting Married
Now here’s the thing… The way most African cultures are set up, it is the men that decide if a woman is “worthy” of marriage and have been given the “task” of initiating the process. That alone should make you stop yourself whenever you get the urge to ask a woman, “when you getting married”. But it does not. This is because people still continue to ask women this dreaded question as a form of attempting to mock or humiliate them.
The good news is, in 2022 most women have learned that they are worthy of whatever the hell they want - whether a man agrees or not. This means most of us don’t attach our value to whether we are “wife material” and the thought of never getting married doesn’t keep us up at night because we’ve learnt that getting the ring doesn’t define us. That said, stop asking women this damn question. If you really must know, then maybe ask the guys?
When Are Joining The Gym
Okay… some of y’all are just plain rude and really just deserve a hot slap in the face. Honestly. Questions around or about a woman’s weight should absolutely be off-limits if you are not the woman’s intimate partner or someone the woman has allowed into her personal space. How close you are to a woman, will let you know if they will appreciate your commentary around their weight or not.
In case you didn’t know, weight is an extremely sensitive topic for many women. A source of multiple insecurities for other women thanks to the ridiculous beauty standards and expectations society put on them. So, do not ask that gym/diet/dress size question. Just don’t do it.
When Are Buying This Or That
Bathong! Can a woman wake up daily, work hard and secure her bag then decide what to do with her money in peace, please. Some of you people just never learnt boundaries. What a woman does with the money she earned has absolutely zilch to do with anybody else.
Hell, even if she didn’t work a day in her life to get that money, you still have no right to tell her or ask her how to spend it. Whether I choose to buy a house or a car first or neither is nobody's business but mine.
"Let it be known that women don’t owe anybody explanations for the manner in which they choose to live their lives."
And if you ever catch yourself randomly shooting off one of the above-listed questions, please apologise and pull yourself towards yourself. And just in case the queen you’ve thrown the question at handles it graciously and ignores your foolish self, keep in mind that the answer to all these questions is a collective “Mind your own business!”