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A Girl's Guide To Being A Great Step Mom

And what it takes to win at blending a new family!

BY Stephanie Kapfunde

Apr 28, 2021, 05:20 PM

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If you aren't a  mum already, I can relate 100% to the bittersweet emotional cocktail which sports the key ingredients of pure terror, excitement and constant self-doubt. All catalysed at the very idea of a brand new little person joining your life.

Now multiply that by a bazillion when you didn't actually bring this little person into the world but still need to be something that resembles motherly. Never mind you've massacred every other plant you've ever owned or overfed a goldfish numerous times; society has zero chill about their expectations. You must perform adequately as a co-parent in the messy triangle of baby mama and dada drama, regardless!

We spoke to single dads in blended families about what would make you the best step-mom ever in your new situation. Ready? Let's get co-parenting on fleek!

Just Love My Kid

It's probably natural to feel a little bit intimidated by the Baby-Mama whether she's naughty or nice. You need to remember the bambino is innocent and didn't sign up for any of this nonsense. 
"I know this is not her child and that she loves me and so she has to learn to love my children too." 
This means you are encouraged to show the little one the love that brought you here. This is a big part of your LOML. Show it by loving the little one even if they have his ex's eyes. You are bigger than this sis! 

Remember The Little Things 

Remember the sports days, birthdays, Christmas and school uniform stuff. Remind u-LOML that he's got kids even though it can be tempting to just mosha his money if he's dom. 
"At the end of the month, I expect my woman to incorporate the costs of the step kids in our monthly costs, especially when we are married."
Now, though I may not personally entirely agree with this one but speaking to a dad in a blended family with a new wife plus three bambinos, he seemed to feel that the true embodiment of being a Mama to the blended family was to take charge.  

Be Flexible 

I spoke to a gent in the saddest situation where his new wife forebode the inclusion of his first son in the family home. Now, this is an immensely complex situation so we can't make assumptions too quick. But sis, if umuntu-wakho tells you upfront about his kids you've got to be limber and make adjustments necessary. 
"The new wife/woman needs to take the lead because I don't want to seem like I am giving my ex too much attention."
The kids may move in, there might be fevers or emergencies at their mom's at odd hours. The question is will you be involved or will you watch your man walk out of ya'lls warm bed to go console his ex wena ulele? 

Be Besties

Okay, okay, I know this bit is a stretch but you have got to do it for the sake of your peace. 
"It's important that she tries to build a bridge"
The least you can do for your new blended family is to be kind and cordial. Not only is it good for you but the kids too. Especially if you and your LOML have kids or are considering having some. The strife is really unhealthy. Do your part to be cool with the baby mama for the sake of your new family. She might just reciprocate and you all could live happily ever after. Here's hoping.

Read: If You're Dating A Married Man, Read This.