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How To Genuinely Say “I’m Sorry”

Learn to apologise like a grown up

BY Naledi K

Aug 05, 2021, 10:57 AM

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The rise of the liberated Black women that freely call each other bi*** and proudly declare themselves savage, apologising has been made to seem like the least cool thing you could ever do. There are memes all over social media, where women would “rather count rice one by one” or “sweep the house using a toothbrush” or do some ridiculous thing instead of admitting they’re wrong and saying they are sorry.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with being unapologetic where it counts. In reality, knowing how to take a step back and realise that you are wrong and then be mature enough to apologise genuinely, is a priceless skill to have. Every woman (actually, read every human being) needs to know how to say “I’m sorry” and mean it.

There’s an art to apologising and how you go about it is a major factor that is considered when the person you wronged considered accepting the apology. How you apologise will also make all the difference when the person you wronged has to decide if they both forgive and are willing to forget how you wronged them.
"Social media has duped most of us into thinking that just because we are fabulous, Black queens apologising is beneath us. I’m here to tell you that if you are unable to apologise when you are wrong, then you are almost unworthy of the royalty tag and worse you are probably less emotionally mature than you should be at your age."
So how does one go about apologising genuinely? Here are a few things to tick off on your “I’m sorry” checklist.

Recognise Why You Need To Apologise

Sometimes you are wrong… you know? You cheated or you over-spent money from your joint budget with bae? Sometimes the situation is a bit fuzzy and you can’t find a clear line between where you are right and where things went wrong. Sometimes, you don’t exactly understand what you did which requires an apology. Here’s what you need to recognise; at the core of the need to apologise lies someone on the other side with hurt feelings.
An apology is like a glue for humans or human relationships. Because we are all unique, the room to do wrong to one another is large and never-ending. So when you step on someone’s toes - metaphorically or physically - you apologise to try and make them see that you recognise that you’ve hurt them and it wasn’t your intention.

Beware Of How You Apologise

With an apology, it isn’t about what you say but how you say it. If you mouth off, “Okay, I’m sorry then” mid-argument because the person you have hurt has stronger points than you… odds are it won’t count for sh*t. Saying “sorry” so you can shut the person you’ve wronged up also doesn’t count. A genuine apology needs to have the right tone and intention.

You need to be very clear in the actions that compliment your apology more than how you say the words. “I’m sorry” means nothing if you talk the talk but don’t walk the walk.

Go Deeper. Find Out How Never To Be Sorry Again

If you never truly understand why or how you hurt a person, you are most likely to do it again. Doing it again will eventually suck the meaning out of your present and future apologies. The only way to truly understand why something you think “shouldn’t have been such a big deal” blew up into that fight or that big confrontation is talking about it.
Especially, if this is someone you really care for or love deeply - ask them to help you understand the root of why what you said or what you did made them feel like you meant them harm. It will be information worth having and will leave that relationship or friendship stronger for it.

Read: The ultimate inner peace needs more work than reading affirmations on the 'gram