Post main image
Photo by

RELATIONSHIPS

How To Know You’re Totally Over Your Ex

Example: The sound of his name doesn’t raise the hairs on your neck anymore

BY Naledi K

Aug 31, 2021, 02:56 PM

Photo by

Despite what the currently fashionable way to get over your ex is on social media, I promise you that reality is often far more complex and difficult. Last I check, the motto was “Leave him before he leaves you” on Twitter and Facebookers seemed to be running with the “Get under another to get over him” motto. Tik Tok has a bunch of relationships advice videos that range from crazy to crazier - albeit they are also entertaining and often hilarious. What all this clearly shows us, is that social media is clearly not the best place to get advice on what to do with your relationships… Not how to start them, never how to end them and certainly not how to be sure you are over your last break up and ready to re-enter the dating world!

The thing about social media is that it creates an illusion that we all deal with things in the same manner. 
“You know… “men are trash” so we are all residents of “know your worth”, which is a lonely place filled with women who deprive themselves of love because it seems to be the current trend. However, things are really different in reality.”
The truth is most women are in relationships - even if they are all usually in different stages of the relationship. Others just found the one and they are still in the blushing and butterflies stage. Others have found their soulmates and living out their happily ever afters. Then, unfortunately, the others, have just realised that the person they thought was their “one” is not and they are going through heartbreak and separation. The last batch of women are going through a lot and despite the “instant get over him” manuals all over social media, hearts take a while to mend.

That is why it is super important to know that you truly over the guy who “broke” your heart and that you are completely ready to move on. 

A Matter Of Time

Getting over someone you had made plans to spend your life with, takes time. No matter what anyone says the truth remains that time is the only thing that will help heal your wounds. Social media trends will try and convince you that he’s not worth your time and that your should feel hurt - even if he did hurt you - because he’s “trash”. That is just stupid. 

Whether he’s trash or not, you need to prioritise your healing, because breakups (no matter how civil) hurt. So take your time.

A Matter Of Standing

The results of successfully prioritising healing will lead you to this step, knowing where you stand with your ex and where you stand as a woman doing life without him. Some women have no choice but to stay in contact with their exes - usually because they have children together. These women need to figure out their boundaries real quick to avoid mistakes such as allowing the person back in or communicating in such a way that they (the woman) is constantly hurt.

Others are lucky, they can decide to completely cut the man off or dispensing on how healed you are, you can stay friends. Knowing what you are willing to allow, shows that you are in control, which goes a long way in determining just how “over him” you are.

A Matter Of Freedom

You’ll know you are over an ex and perhaps even ready to enter the dating pool again when you have successfully managed to free yourself of your ex, the hurt he made you feel, the expectations he had of you and anything related to him. 

It’s really as simple as it sounds, once his name doesn’t trigger you - anger you or hurt you or make you wish for a time machine - then you are well on your way to being able to build something new, with someone else.